Memories
Today is Halloween. The first for the oldest to hang out with friends and the last for the youngest to probably trick or treat. It’s weird. I wish I could remember any Halloweens. There are glimpses of the school gym with the strange yellow ground cloth to collect all the candy and random spills. But that’s about it.
I don’t remember much of my childhood. Sometimes I wish I did. I hope my kids remember most everything. They will I think. Both of them tell stories now of things that happened when they were pretty young so I long for that to remain for them.
I do have some memories but they are random and usually negative. My childhood wasn’t awful, this I know. It is understood to me that my parents and grandparents where present especially when I was young. Remembering those parts though doesn’t register for me. I don’t remember much of anything at all until well into my late teens.
There is a lot I do for the kids and for their schools or teams. Maybe this is my way to create new memories around kid events that I just can’t access.
While I was helping set up for a work party last week, some friends called me a “super mom” because I said something about harnessing my inner PTA mom during set up and clean up. I kind of felt bad after and still do as I write this. They were joking and meant it in a positive way.
I suspect that I feel bad because I don’t do it for recognition or to be a “super mom”. I much prefer to be in the background, planning and executing the event then watching from the sidelines and glimpse the smiles of everyone, my kids included. It makes me feel good to do for others.
I hope at some point I can access the things that I want to remember but I know it will come with things I don’t care to remember. That’s okay, I can appreciate all of the memories if they just will come.
