Family Drives are one.
Driving the Seward Highway is a wonder. There are many quiet stretches of road that lend themselves to daydreaming and deep reflection. There are sections that require nothing but concentration and one’s deepest attention. As a kid, in the backseat, there was ample time to read, fight with siblings, and just stare out the window.
Now, as I head down the highway, the mountains across the inlet glow white and pink in the midmorning sunrise. I remembered a time driving that stretch of road where I shared something I had read in a book with my family. I was so excited to share. I don’t remember what book, whether it was ninfiction or fiction, but I do remember the content. The book told of these mountains across the Cook Inlet that didn’t show themselves that often and they were called the White Mountains. If you drive along the inlet you know what mountains I am talking about. They are far away and very small but there in the distance when the weather is just right, you can see them shining.
This was one of those days, so I shared this information with my family. What I remember is not encouragement or even interest but instead a feeling of stupidity and ignorance. I remember being laughed at and told there was no such thing. I remember being pretty young like 4th grade. I remember not sharing anything on drives again. I don’t remember ever sharing things that really interested me with my family even to this day. I often say very little that means anything. This is difficult for me because I also highly dislike small talk but that talk is all that I can share with my family.
This is something that I have changed in the family I built. Even if the information my kids are sharing is factually incorrect, I encourage them to keep talking. I ask questions to help them seek out the difference between fact and fiction. I let them say what they need to then ask clarifying questions. This, I hope, helps them learn and grow and mostly remember that we can talk about anything.
I know I am not perfect at this. I know that just the other day, one of the kids was doing something that was exceptionally annoying and instead of asking what they needed, I just told them to stop making the noise. I could tell afterward that the kid was taken aback. I know I have work to do and it is okay to be just good enough. I also know that these days are fewer than the days where I am engaged, listening, and encouraging…no matter how annoying the sound.
